Sailing, Sailing
by alynwa
Summary: Denny decides he and Alan should take a vacation.
1. Chapter 1

Alan walked into the downstairs office of his and Denny's suburban home after having run his usual Saturday errands with Dave the chauffeur. He noticed his husband had his American Express card in his hand and was reciting the number, expiration date and security code to whomever he was speaking to on the phone. Just as he approached, Denny ended the call. When he reached into his pocket for his wallet, he realized Alan was in the room. "Perfect timing! I was just about to call you! Guess what we're doing next Sunday?"

The younger man smiled as he took a seat on the couch. "I'm sure you're about to tell me," he said as he crossed his legs and stretched them out. "What are we doing?"

"We're setting sail on a twenty – one day cruise!"

" _What?_ Denny, how in the world are we going to prepare for a three week long cruise in a week? And where are we going, anyway?" Alan didn't know whether to be delighted or appalled.

"You're forgetting something; you're married to _me._ Denny Crane! I'll take care of everything." He pressed the intercom button on his desk. "Rodeo! I'm in the office; come see me." Five minutes later, his Major Domo appeared. "Alan and I are leaving on a twenty – one day cruise next Sunday. We're heading to Bermuda first. The January temperatures there average about seventy – two degrees during the day and, of course, it will be cooler at night. We'll each need a weeks' worth of casual and dress clothing suitable for that type of weather. We don't need swimwear, but do send one of the staff to purchase underwear for both of us." He winked at Alan. " _Always_ take new underwear on vacation; we might get lucky." He laughed when Alan rolled his eyes. "The rest of the cruise will be to Canada and Maine, so we'll need winter clothing. We'll come pick it up the following Sunday."

The younger man's brows knit together in confusion. "How are we picking up _anything_ the following Sunday?"

"The ship docks back in Boston for eleven hours so someone can meet us with fresh clothing."

"I've never been on a cruise before; what if I get seasick or I don't like it?"

"Oh, for Pete's sake, Alan! Stop being a wet blanket!" Denny exclaimed as he waved for Rodeo to go, "You won't get seasick, I'll see to that and as for whether or not you enjoy yourself…Please, you'll be with _me!_ "

Alan had to laugh, Denny's enthusiasm was catching. "Okay. I guess we're going on a cruise."

Promptly at noon a week later, Dave pulled the limousine up to the pier. Alan was a little taken aback at the level of activity surrounding the entrance. After a few seconds, he began to see some order in the chaos as he realized that people were disembarking at the same time new passengers were arriving. Just then, the door opened and Dave was there helping Denny out. When Alan waved him away, he went to the trunk for their luggage which he then gave to a porter.

"Dave," Denny called, "Meet us right back here next Sunday between nine – thirty and ten AM."

"You got it, Mister C! Have a great time, guys! See you next week!" Dave replied as he walked back to the driver's side.

They watched him drive away and then Denny took charge. "Come on, Alan. We have to check in."

Alan followed his husband inside the pier's building and sighed when he saw the long line that lead to Security. Curiously, Denny walked past it and up to a man wearing cruise line credentials and said, "Hello, my name is Denny Crane and my husband and I are booked into the Garden Villa" as he reached into his inner coat pocket and extracted paperwork that he handed over for inspection.

A quick glance brought a wide smile in response. "Yes, Mr. Crane, we've been expecting you!" He handed the papers back and then escorted them to a private office where he ushered the two Cranes inside. "Please, have a seat and someone will be right with you."

Denny winked at Alan as they sat. "Told you: I have everything under control."

Before the younger man could answer, the door opened and an attractive young blonde woman entered. "Good afternoon. My name in Inga and I'll be taking care of you."

Denny leered, "I'm looking forward to it. Ow! Alan, why'd you kick me?"

Alan put on his most innocent face. "I assure you, it was an accident."

There was about to be an argument, but just then Inga requested their passports and documents, both of which Denny handed to her. She very efficiently processed them, took their photos for their ship IDs and gave Denny their room keycards. "I understand, Mr. Crane that you've requested a wheelchair for embarkation and disembarkation only, correct?"

"Yes, I did."

"I'll get someone right away to get you onboard. Be right back!"

Alan made a face and said reprovingly, "Denny, you didn't tell me your legs are bothering you!"

He looked at the door and whispered, "They're not, but this is a perk of being over eighty. No one expects me to walk the gangplank. Besides, this will get us through Security and onboard quickly."

Alan just shook his head and smiled. "You are a sly one."

Twenty minutes later, the two men were sitting in one of the main dining rooms ordering lunch. Alan had to admit; they did clear Security fast and the walk up the gangplank had been tiring for _him_ so it was better that Denny had used a wheelchair. "This food is incredibly good. I didn't think it would be bad, but I didn't think it would be this _good._ "

"Stick with me, Kid, and you'll always have the best."

"I know. So, when are we going to our cabin?"

"I figured we might as well wait until after the lifeboat drill. We can kill time by strolling around the decks and seeing where things are. Oh, I almost forgot. Give me your hands," Denny said as he fished in his pockets.

Alan flushed a little when Denny grabbed his right hand. "What are you doing?" He was afraid the older man was about to give him a present that would make him emotional and was taken aback when a small gray band of what looked like sweatshirt material was slipped over his hand onto his wrist. It had a small round bead that pressed into his skin. While he was looking at it, Denny placed an identical one on his left wrist. "What are these?"

"Sea Bands™! The best thing for combatting seasickness, there's no drugs in your system so you can drink if you want! See?" He pushed up his shirt sleeves to reveal that he was wearing black Sea Bands. "Best invention ever! Come on, let's go exploring."

The lifeboat drill was over and Denny finally decided it was time for them to go to their cabin. Alan had no idea what deck they were on because both keycards had been handed to Denny who had put them into his pocket without a word. At the moment, he was replaying the drill in his head and wondering if, God forbid, they had to abandon ship how he and Denny would survive in the middle of nowhere. He felt a nudge in his side. "What?"

"I was saying that this is the only elevator we can use to get to Deck 14 and you have to use the keycard to make it work."

They stepped off and walked to the door. A little wheel on the side was turned to say "Welcome!" and a sign on the door said simply, "The Cranes." Denny stepped aside and said, "Welcome to your home away from home for the next three weeks. Open the door."

Smiling, Alan said, "Okay" and used his keycard. He opened the door and gasped.


	2. Chapter 2

Denny was grinning like the Cheshire Cat. "So, what do you think?"

Alan was stunned speechless. He slowly walked around the living room and dining room areas. The couch and chairs were white leather with mahogany wood arms and legs. There was a sixty inch flat screen TV mounted on a wall overlooking not only the couch and easy chairs, but also the dining table. The exterior wall was floor to ceiling glass and a baby Grand piano sat one step up next to the glass wall to afford the player an outside view. "This is incredible, Denny. It's beautiful!"

"And you haven't seen all of it yet. That glass wall wraps around the entire place. Come look at the bedrooms!"

"Bedrooms? How many _are_ there?"

"Three, come on, let's check out the master suite." He led the younger man to another door and opened it to show a king – sized bed set so that the head faced the glass wall. Directly in front of the wall was a sitting area with two chairs and a small round table. The bathroom featured a Jacuzzi big enough for two, two bowl – shaped sinks atop a glass vanity, mirrors attached to the glass wall and a smaller flat screen TV mounted above the tub. "Obviously, this is our room and now, _this_ room…" He motioned for Alan to follow him as he led the way to another well appointed, albeit smaller bedroom, "is where one of us can sleep when he's mad at the other one, because face it: That could happen. And, finally, _this_ bedroom is for if either one of us gets lucky." Like the first two, it also had a glass wall.

"Denny, I don't know what to say."

"Say if you like it, so far."

"'So far?' You mean there's _more?_ "

"I thought you'd never ask. Follow me." He stepped back into the hallway and turned right. He opened a (glass) door that led out onto what Alan could see was a glass enclosed patio. A bistro table and two chairs sat right at that same wrap around glass wall, a wooden hot tub sat at the top of three steps and there were two chaise lounges in one corner and an outside shower was opposite the door. "Here the glass wall slides back so that we can have fresh air. We can smoke our cigars out here."

"I would never have thought there could be a cabin as grand as this on a cruise ship. This is fabulous! Just how big is it?"

Denny sat on the top step next to the hot tub and Alan sat next to him. "It's not a cabin really, it's a villa and it's just under seven thousand square feet and you want to know what the best part is?"

"What?"

"We don't have to clean it _and_ it comes with twenty – four hour butler and concierge services." Right on cue, the doorbell rang. "That should be the butler now."

They walked down the hallway and Denny answered the door. "Bayani, I assume?"

The man at the door dazzled them with his smile. "Yes, I am and you are Mr. Crane and Mr. Crane! Welcome aboard the Emerald!" he replied as he turned slightly to grab hold of a room service cart which he pushed inside toward the dining area. He placed four bottles of Balvenie forty year old Scotch on the bar along with a bucket of ice. "The special liquor you requested, Sir. You have glasses here and the usual liquors the cruise ship stocks in the villa. This is your refrigerator here," he said as he opened it, "and you will see that you have mixers and bottled water and the freshly made sandwiches you requested, Mr. Crane. Now on behalf of Swedish Cruise Line, I ask that you relax and enjoy yourselves. If you need me for any reason, pick up the phone and dial twenty – five. Either I or my colleague will always answer." He pushed the cart to the door and left.

"Shouldn't we have tipped him, Denny?"

"It's done at the end of the trip." Denny opened a bottle. "Let's have a drink. Now that we're here, I want to just relax a while."

Alan accepted the glass he was offered. Glancing at his watch he said, "Good idea. It's almost four thirty, we're late leaving."

Denny snorted, "Man, we've been underway since four!"

Shocked, Alan retorted, "We haven't!" and turned to look outside. Sure enough, the view had changed. "I didn't even feel us moving! Oh Denny, I am loving this!"

The two friends turned spouses moved to the living room easy chairs and Alan rearranged them so that they both faced the ocean. He grabbed the open bottle and examined it as Denny sipped quietly. "Isn't this the scotch that costs five thousand dollars a bottle?" When Denny nodded, Alan whistled softly. "And you've ordered four bottles." He shook his head. "I'll never completely get used to being wealthy."

"Actually, I've ordered twelve bottles; four for each week and yes, you will become used to wealth because you're _my_ husband. Now, unless you have a better plan, I thought that we would sit here relaxing until the sun sets, then eat the sandwiches I ordered and then freshen up and head down to the casino. I want to play Texas Hold'em."

Alan stretched until he could feel his spine cracking. "I see no reason to fool with success. I will follow your plan to the letter." He raised his glass and said, "Here's to having a memorable time!"

Denny clinked his glass against Alan's and shouted, "Here, here!" and the two men drank to the days to come.


	3. Chapter 3

It was their fourth day on the ship and Alan was feeling rested and happy. He was sitting in the hot tub on the patio, glass doors opened wide to a comfortable Bermuda breeze. He had a lit cigar in one hand and a glass of scotch in the other. The tub jets caused the warm water to bubble around him soothingly while the warmth of the sun shone down on his face. It was warmer than normal and he was thrilled about it. He felt at peace with the world.

He glanced down and over at Denny, who was currently asleep in one of the chaise lounges with a book lying open and face down on his ample stomach. Just then, the older man snorted and turned onto his side which caused the book to land on the floor with a loud _plop._ He opened his eyes at the sound at found himself looking at a smiling Alan. "Hey. What are you grinning about?"

"Hey, yourself. I'm in a good, no, make that a _great_ mood. I am so glad you planned this trip for us. It's been incredible! And you were right about me enjoying it _and_ you were right about these Sea Bands keeping me from getting seasick…"

"Of course I was! Denny Crane! But," Denny's eyebrows came together in confusion. "Rodeo didn't pack any swimwear for us; what are you wearing?"

"Nothing. It's unseasonably warm today and the hot tub looked so inviting and who's going to see me way up here, anyway? Care to join me?"

Denny sat up and hefted himself to his feet. "As tempting as that might sound, I think I'll pass." He checked his watch. "It's going on five o'clock. We should be setting sail at eight. I'm going to shower and change. How about we be a bit more sociable and eat in one of the main dining rooms tonight?"

Reaching for his towel, Alan stood and modestly covered himself. "Why not? I've been spoiled by room service and eating in the Steakhouse every day. Let's go be among the masses."

Six o'clock found them waiting to be seated in the Admiral's Palace, the large dining room at the rear of the ship. The maître d' approached and asked, "Would you mind sharing a table with a mother and her daughter?"

Denny huffed, "No, as long as they aren't fat, ugly or stupid. I don't want my appetite ruined."

The man smiled. "I see. Interestingly enough, they said the same thing about _their_ potential dinner companions. I think you'll all get along. Follow me, please." He led them toward the rear of the dining room to a table for four where two well – dressed women sat. The elder of the two looked to be around sixty – five years old while the younger looked approximately forty – five. "Gentlemen, I would like to introduce Ms Evelyn Johnson and her mother, Ms Loretta Mitchell."

Denny had smiled broadly when he realized these were the women the maître d' meant for them to share a table. "My name is Denny Crane and this is my… _brother_ , Alan Crane." He missed the quick look of surprise on Alan's face. "Do you mind if we join you?"

The women smiled in return and the mother replied, "Oh, please do. It's so nice to meet you, Denny and Alan. Sit. Sit." After they did, the four were handed their menus.

Alan had seated himself to Loretta's right. "So, Ms Mitchell…"

"Loretta, please. And this is Evelyn. There's no reason for formality."

"Loretta, then," Alan said, "How have you been enjoying the cruise thus far?"

"It's been wonderful," she gushed, "We went to the dolphin encounter, we went shopping in Hamilton and we spent a couple of afternoons on that pink sand beach whose name escapes me at the moment."

"Horseshoe Bay," Evelyn interjected, "beautiful pink sand. The only thing I haven't enjoyed on this cruise is the fact that the casino is closed while we're in port. I love playing Texas Hold 'em."

That caused Denny to focus on her a little more closely. "You don't say? You're a girl after my own heart. That's my favorite card game."

"Gambling's okay," Loretta said, "but I can take it or leave it. There's a show in the theater tonight I want to see."

At that moment, their server came to take their orders. They continued their small talk as they waited for their meals and all during dinner. They were having coffee and dessert when Denny checked the time. "It's seven – thirty. Can I interest you ladies in cocktails as we watch the sail away from our villa?"

Loretta looked intrigued. "'Villa?' On the top deck?"

"Yes, Deck Fourteen. We have a variety of drinks there and the view is spectacular. I promise we'll be perfect gentlemen. Won't we, Alan?"

Alan gave him a silly grin. "Anything you say, Bro." He looked at their dinner companions and smiled. "I can assure you we are not axe murderers and you are certainly welcome. In fact, Loretta, after we have our drinks, why don't I accompany you to the show? I'm not much for gambling, either."

"I'd like that, Alan," she answered, "You're sweet to offer."

"Great!" Denny said, "Then Evelyn and I can play cards!"

Evelyn finished her last bite of cheesecake and said, "Sounds like a plan. Let's go."

They sat in the living room and watched the lights of Bermuda fade into the distance. Both women had been duly impressed upon entering the villa and Alan had prepared their drinks while Denny proudly gave them a tour.

"Thank you both," Loretta said, "for inviting us up here. I've been on cruises before, but I've never seen such sumptuous accommodations! Evelyn and I just have an indoor cabin on Deck Eight."

"I always figured that inside cabins almost force you to be out and about the ship and sociable," Evelyn added. "I think if I had a cabin, I'm sorry, _villa_ like this I would never leave!"

"We really didn't the first two days at sea," Alan said as he uncrossed his legs and stood. "It's almost eight – fifteen. I want to change my shirt before the show."

Loretta finished her drink. "I think I want to freshen up, too. How about you two meeting us in front of the theater at ten to nine? There's another casino entrance directly across from the theater, too."

Denny smiled. "Sounds wonderful. Let me walk you to the door and we'll meet up shortly." When he closed the door behind the women, he turned and rubbing his hands together in glee sing – songed, "I think we're going to get lucky tonight!"

"I assumed that was your plan when you introduced me as your brother. What I don't understand is why neither woman mentioned our wedding bands."

Denny walked into the master bedroom with Alan following. "While I was showing them around, Loretta asked me why our wives hadn't come on vacation and I told her that our wives died quite some time ago and neither one of us had wanted to remove it."

"Denny!" Alan gasped, "How could you lie like that?"

"It's not a lie. You're a widower! And I've was married six times before you and I got hitched. One of those witches must be dead by now!"

Alan couldn't help it, he burst out laughing. "You are incorrigible! What am I going to do with you?"

"The same thing you always do: Love me." Both men started to change their shirts. "Alan, I know I sprang that whole 'brother' thing on you with no warning and I had no right to do that and you're being a really good sport about it, but tell me to cut it out and I'll come clean to both of them and take all the blame. It's just that they don't know us at all and trying to explain the whole 'we're straight, but married to each other for legal reasons' is just too tedious to get into and none of their business, anyway."

Alan tucked his shirt in and took a brush to his hair. "I only want you to be happy, Denny, you know that. We've never demanded sexual faithfulness from each other as a condition of our marriage, but I am curious: Why now? And why…excuse me, which woman do you want?"

"Evelyn. Any woman who likes playing Texas Hold 'em is all right by me. And, I don't know, maybe being with Evelyn appeals to me now because no one knows us on this ship."

"Ah. No gossip to deal with when we get home. That's fine. You know I enjoy the company of older women and if Loretta decides she wants me, I can make that happen. However, I'm not sealing the deal with her until I know that Evelyn wants you."

Denny furrowed his eyebrows and asked, "What does that have to do with anything?"

Alan had slipped on his jacket and was admiring himself in the mirror. "Call it my own twisted sense of fairness. Either both of us are going to have fun or neither of us."

"But what if Evelyn wants me and Loretta doesn't want _you_? Does that mean I can't have sex with her?"

"As I said, Denny, this is _my_ quirk. You do whatever makes you happy. If I see a sock on the 'get lucky' bedroom door, I will be quiet and just order an extra breakfast for your guest."

Denny clapped Alan on his shoulder. "Come on, let's go meet our dates."


	4. Chapter 4

Alan and Loretta thoroughly enjoyed the show which was a combination of acrobatics, dance and show tunes. They went into the casino where Denny and Evelyn were still playing poker and were loath to leave the table until they could recoup their money.

"That's fine," Loretta said, "Alan, there's a piano bar on deck thirteen. Care to join me for a drink?"

Alan took her arm in his. "Why not?" he replied jauntily. "We'll see you two later."

The pianist was superb; a young black woman who sang jazzy love songs in a sure, strong voice, a perfect backdrop for the people in the bar to engage in light conversation. Loretta was sitting across from Alan with a very small "chat height" table between them. They were both sipping Pinot Grigio and listening to the music.

She looked at him and said, "This is one of my favorite times onboard a ship." She motioned with her chin and Alan's gaze turned in the direction she indicated. "Nothing but blackness beyond the railing, the ship gently swaying…I can almost believe that the people on this ship are the only people there are."

"And that thought doesn't frighten you?"

She smiled. "Not at all. In fact…" She stood and when he did, she led the way out the bar and to the railing. They walked away from the lights of the bar and she stopped when they were all the way aft. "Now, Alan, standing here looking out on the night and hearing the ocean below us, I can almost believe that we're the last two people on earth." She turned toward him and smiled.

Alan closed the distance between them and gently kissed her. She tasted of the wine and he could smell the faint scent of her perfume. He pulled away from her and smiled. "Nice kiss," he told her.

"It was," she agreed, "but I can't let it happen again."

"I'm sorry that I misread you, Loretta."

"I am, too. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy your company, but I have a crush on your brother."

"Denny will be flattered to know that; you are a beautiful woman. I have a suggestion: Why don't we go back to the casino and see what Denny and Evelyn are doing?"

"Okay, we can do that. Alan, have I ruined our burgeoning friendship?"

"Of course not. Denny is a wonderful man and I would be happy for him if you two got together."

"I think it's sweet that you two are so close."

"What can I say? He's my hero."

By the time they returned to the casino, both Denny and Evelyn had left the poker table and were playing slot machines. They all decided to head to the Martini Bar for a nightcap.

They were ensconced in comfortable, overstuffed chairs surrounding a small table. Loretta looked at her watch and sighed, "I can't believe how fast the time is flying! We'll be docking in Boston in two days! Where has the time gone?" She looked at her daughter and then back at Denny and Alan. "When Evelyn and I first started talking about taking this cruise, I only wanted to sail to Bermuda and back. I am so glad I let her talk me into continuing on to Canada and the rest of New England."

Alan raised his glass and said, "So am I. What are you two gals planning to do in Boston? We'll be in port for eleven hours."

Loretta and Evelyn answered in unison, "Shopping!"

Denny leaned forward and said, "We live just outside Boston. My driver is meeting us at the pier with clothing for the next part of the trip. I have an idea! Why don't we drop you off at Copley Place? There's excellent shopping to be had there."

"Sounds great," Evelyn replied, "Will you go shopping with us?"

"Oh, God, no! Alan and I have other things to do, but if you like, we can meet you there. There's a Legal Seafood restaurant in the mall."

Loretta smiled. "That sounds fabulous! There isn't one in back home and I've heard the food is great."

Alan clapped his hands together. "So, we'll drop you off and meet you at the restaurant for a late lunch?" When he got nods in response he added, "Sounds like a plan! We'll firm up the details Saturday night."

Evelyn finished her drink and said, "Sounds grand, but I'm exhausted. It's been a long day and I'm just a wee bit drunk. Good night, everyone. Mom, are you coming?"

"Sure. Good night, Denny. Alan."

The two men stood. "Good night, Ladies," Denny said. "Evelyn, we'll do better at poker tomorrow. I'm sure of it."

They watched the women head toward the forward elevator bank and then turned to head toward the mid – ship elevators. When they entered the villa, Denny started to get undressed almost immediately. "I'm kind of glad Evelyn called it a night. I had just as much to drink as she did. I don't think I could have done anything if she _had_ wanted to have sex with me tonight."

They went into the bedroom and were greeted by a turned down bed, with chocolates on the pillows and extra towels in the shape of snakes on the chairs. Both men put on their pajamas and got into bed. "I love this room," Alan said, "Waking up in the morning and seeing the ocean is amazing." He scooted over to meet Denny in the middle and settled onto his chest. "Do you think that Evelyn is into you?"

Denny grunted as he shifted around to get comfortable. Tightening his arms around Alan, he answered, "Maybe. I said a couple of things that should have had her throwing drinks in my face, but she just laughed."

"I kissed Loretta."

"You didn't! What was it like and why are you in bed with me?"

"It was a nice enough kiss, but before things became too heated, she told me that she's into you."

"You're kidding!"

"I'm not. She said she has a crush on you."

"Why wouldn't she? Denny Crane! I better order some oysters tomorrow to get some stamina. A threesome with a mother _and_ daughter? That's actually on my Bucket List!"

Alan chuckled, "I just bet it is."

"Wait a minute. If they both want me, what about _you_?"

"I'll be fine just knowing you're happy, Denny."

Denny lifted one hand and ruffled Alan's hair. "You are so strange, but I love you, anyway."

"I love you, too, Denny. Good night."

"Night."


	5. Chapter 5

Alan was sitting in the kitchen going through the mail that had accumulated while they had been gone. Denny was in some other part of the house with Rodeo doing who knows what.

He took a sip of coffee and sighed. _The coffee onboard the Emerald is delicious, but nothing compares to Olympia's coffee, it is superb._ He marveled again at how well Denny's plans had worked. Dave arrived at the pier right on time to meet them. Bayani, their butler, had come to the Lido deck with them and taken their suitcases to Security so that they could be cleared before he took them to the villa. Loretta and Evelyn met them at the appointed time and were dropped off at Copley Plaza before Dave brought them home. _Everything went off without a hitch, so why do I have the feeling that something just isn't right?_

The more he thought about it, the more he was certain that the feeling of uneasiness had something to do with the women. He couldn't quite put his finger on it; they all got along well and even though Loretta had turned him down in favor of Denny, he was okay with it. But the feeling was there and like a gnat buzzing around his ear, he couldn't ignore it. He checked the time and stood to go look for his husband.

"Alan!" Denny exclaimed as he entered the hallway only to find Denny and Rodeo coming towards him. "I was just telling Rodeo I want to have a dinner party the week after we get back. What do you think?"

"I think if we're going to meet Evelyn and Loretta for lunch, we need to leave. As for a dinner party: Splendid."

"Great. We'll decide the guest list onboard the ship and I'll text it to you, Rodeo, so you can handle the invitations." He lifted his left fist and used his thumb to point over his shoulder. "I just need to go back to the bedroom. I want to wear a jacket I have up there."

"I'll come with you."

The two spouses headed upstairs, Alan following behind Denny. The older man headed straight to his closet, pulled out his jacket, cut off the tags and donned it. "Okay, I'm ready. What are you taking?"

"Nothing. I came with you to ask why you didn't tell me you took off your wedding ring. I noticed it's missing when you raised your hand."

Denny flushed just a bit. "It was a spur of the moment decision. When I was up here earlier, I decided I wanted to wear my other Rolex and when I opened my jewelry drawer to get it, this chain caught my eye." He reached up and pulled a silver chain from under his shirt. "See, the ring is right here. Remember I told the girls we're both widowers? I figured since they're both interested, I'd remove it and tell them some crap about deciding to move on with my life. That should get me sex with at least one of them, don't you think? I would never take the ring off completely, Alan, you're always close to my heart.  
Tell me this is too much and I'll put it back on."

"Denny, I said I wanted you to do whatever or _whoever_ makes you happy on this cruise and I meant it. It's fine."

"But…"

"It's _fine_ , Denny. Let's go, it's getting close to the time we're supposed to meet Evelyn and Loretta." Alan walked out of the room ahead of Denny to give himself a moment to get rid of the frown on his face. _I didn't realize how it would affect me to see Denny without his wedding band. I'm not happy about it, but I refuse to stop him from pursuing these women if that is what he wants. My God, am I_ jealous?

They walked into Legal Seafood and saw the women sitting at the bar with several shopping bags gathered at their feet. Loretta saw them and waved. Denny went to them. "Too bad you gals couldn't find anything to buy," he quipped as they all shared a laugh.

Alan, who had stopped to speak with the host, joined them. "There's a booth available for us. I'll put your bags in Coat Check."

"Thank you, Alan!" they responded in unison as the host showed them and Denny to their seats while Alan checked the bags.

Alan slowed as he approached the table to take a moment to observe what was happening. Denny was in his glory; both women seemed enthralled as they hung on his every word. Loretta was sitting across from the man and had reached out to take one of Denny's hands in her own as she laughed while Evelyn sat next to Denny. From the angle of her arm, Alan surmised that her hand was on Denny's thigh. _Neither woman is acting territorial. That's…odd._ When Denny glanced at him, he smiled, came over and sat. "I'm starving," he announced, "Let's order."

Dave picked them up and had them back at the ship at six. The sail away was at seven and both women had accepted Denny's invitation to watch Boston fade into the distance from the villa. They headed off to their cabin to put their purchases away after promising to meet at Denny and Alan's in forty – five minutes.

Denny opened the door to the villa, came in and flopped onto the couch. "I gotta tell you, Alan, I'm glad to be back on the Emerald! Too much decision making back at the house! Fix me a drink, will you?"

"Sure." He made a scotch on the rocks and handed it to the older man. He put together a Cuba Libre for himself and sat down in the easy chair. "Have you noticed anything out of the ordinary about Loretta and Evelyn?"

"Like what?"

"Well, all during lunch, they were both flirting with you and neither one seemed to mind that the other one was doing it."

The older man leered. "I told you that having a threesome with a mother and daughter is on my Bucket List. I'm betting that's going to happen somewhere between Martha's Vineyard and Nova Scotia." He rubbed his hands together gleefully. " _That_ is going to be fun!"

"Far be it from me to rain on your parade, Denny, but do Evelyn and Loretta know you want a threesome?"

"Not yet, but I don't see them having a problem with it."

"Perhaps they won't, but I still find it strange that they're _acting_ like you've discussed the possibility with them."

Denny huffed and expanded his chest. "I'm starting to think that what you find 'strange' is that _two_ women are interested in me and have zero interest in _you._ Maybe you're losing your sex appeal."

"Well, that was hurtful, Denny, and uncalled for. Excuse me for being concerned about what is going on around you and with you!"

Just then, the doorbell rang and Denny stood to open it. "Just a moment!" he called. He stopped in front of Alan and held out his hand to help him stand. When Alan was on his feet, Denny pulled him into a quick hug. "I'm didn't mean to upset you. I take back that 'sex appeal' crap I said. You're very attractive," he whispered into Alan's ear, "Let's just enjoy ourselves."

Mollified, Alan smiled briefly and replied, "Fine."

It was a clear night with a full moon and Boston had never looked more beautifully lit. Denny proudly pointed out famous buildings as they sailed past, even Five Hundred Boylston Street, site of the law firm formerly known as Crane Poole and Schmidt. Loretta and Evelyn were quite impressed when he told them about the firm he had cofounded with Shirley Schmidt and Edwin Poole.

"Alan, you didn't tell us your brother is so well informed about Boston architecture and is a part of its history!" Loretta gushed as he refilled her glass.

"Oh, Denny is _so_ many things, I can't keep them all straight," Alan responded glibly as he freshened Evelyn's and Denny's drinks. "I have an idea! I've barely taken any pictures at all, so why don't I get my phone and get some shots while we can still see the city lights?"

Denny beamed, "That's a fantastic idea! Quick, girls, let's get outside on the patio!"

Evelyn and Loretta both wrapped their arms around Denny and smiled seductively for Alan and his phone. He moved around and took quite a few pictures from several angles until Boston's lights had faded significantly. "I'll text them to you, Loretta, so you can share them with Evelyn," he said when he figured he had taken enough. "Both of you take stunning pictures."

Denny led the way back inside and asked, "So, ladies, anything on the agenda for tonight? Or are you too tired from shopping?"

Evelyn piped up immediately. "I'm heading to the casino! Mom, come with me."

Loretta smiled and replied, "All right. Denny, would you like to join us?"

"I would love to. Alan? You coming?"

"I'm a bit tired. You all go and enjoy yourselves."

Denny turned concerned eyes his way. "Are you sure, Alan?"

"Absolutely. Just be quiet coming in because I think I'll be sleeping." He watched the trio finish their drinks and head out the door.

As Loretta and Evelyn walked to the elevator, Denny turned and said before closing it, "I'll see you later and if that 'thing' we talked about earlier happens, it will be in one of the guest bedrooms." And with that, he closed the door.

Alan sat there for a few minutes drinking his scotch and thinking. He pulled his phone from his pocket and dialed a number. "Freddie! It's Alan Shore! Yes, it has been a long time. Yep, married him. I know! Listen, I'm going to send you pictures of two women. Do that voodoo you do so well and find out everything you can about them. Yes, the usual fee, but I'll throw in a thousand dollar bonus if I can get that info in less than three days. That's what I like to hear! I'll be waiting for your call." He ended the call and went out on the patio with his drink. Sliding the glass wall back, he leaned on the railing and looked out on the moon and its reflection on the ocean. _It's probably nothing, but I have to be completely sure._


	6. Chapter 6

A day and a half later, while Denny and the women were strolling around Martha's Vineyard, Alan was in the Emerald's computer center reading the report that Freddie emailed him. What he saw there infuriated him. He went to his banking website and authorized a money transfer into the account he had set up for his investigator. He then printed the report and took it to the villa and placed it in the master bedroom. He poured a drink and pondered his options.

 _No matter how I approach this, Denny is going to feel like a fool, so maybe the best way to do this is to just rip off the band – aid and get the pain over with immediately._ He fixed himself a drink and stepped onto the patio to smoke a cigar. The villa overlooked the pier and he could see the ship's passengers as they returned. He glanced at his watch and realized the ship was going to set sail in less than an hour. Just as he pulled his phone from his pocket to call Denny, he saw him.

 _That pink shirt certainly does make him stand out in a crowd._ He frowned to see that Loretta and Evelyn each had one of Denny's arms and were laughing and smiling. He also noted they both had several shopping bags between them. Knowing what he had read in his private detective's report, he was fairly certain Denny had paid for most, if not all, of those purchases. _I hope he doesn't bring them here. Not yet._

He continued to watch the group until they walked up the gangplank. Satisfied that Denny was safely aboard, he went back into the villa and sat on the couch to await his spouse's arrival. It was another half hour before he heard a key card unlock the door. "Alan! I was wondering if you were up here! Look what I got you!" The older man tossed the bag he was carrying onto Alan's lap.

Alan opened it and extracted a cobalt blue long – sleeved T – shirt with "Martha's Vineyard" emblazoned across the front. "Thank you, Denny."

"You're welcome. I bought one for myself, short – sleeves though; I don't burn like you do." He fixed himself a drink and walked past Alan to look outside. "I invited the girls up for the sail away, but they decided they wanted to shower and change first. You want to go to the French restaurant tonight? The four of us?"

"Denny, sit. Please. I have to talk to you about Loretta and Evelyn."

"Can't it wait? I want to take a shower."

"It's important. Please."

Denny shrugged and sat in the easy chair. "All right. What about Loretta and Evelyn?"

Alan twirled his glass for a moment before looking at Denny. "I've had a bad feeling about them for some time now. So the other day, I put in a call to Freddie, the investigator I've used in the past?"

Denny grunted, "I know who he is. Go on." He was starting to feel like he wasn't going to like what he was about to hear.

"I asked him to do a background check on them. They're frauds, Denny. They are _not_ mother and daughter."

Denny sneered, "So what? You're not my brother. Are you going to tell me they're lesbian lovers or something?" His eyes widened as the silence between them drew out longer and longer. "They _are_ lesbian lovers? Are you _kidding_ me?" When Alan shook his head, he leaned back and clasped his hands atop his stomach. "Well, what do you know? I've still _got_ it!"

Alan's brow furrowed as he leaned forward. "I'm sorry. You've still got _what,_ exactly? Wait. You don't think they really _want_ you, do you?"

"Why wouldn't they? Denny Crane! Why else would they keep hanging around? They had no idea who I was before we got to Boston."

"Well, Denny, there is this little thing called the internet and on that internet, there is a little thing called Google. They had no idea who was going to be seated at their table the night we met, but I'll bet my last dollar that when they left the villa after the sail away they made a side trip to the ship's computer lounge and Googled both of us to find out who had the money to afford _this_ place! They _have_ to know we're married! They're con artists, Denny, specializing in separating older men from their money."

"Those _bitches!_ After I sleep with them, I'm going to tell them to go to hell!"

"You _still_ want to have sex with them after what I just told you? Really?"

Denny poured some more scotch into his glass and then passed the bottle to Alan. "I have to; it's on my Bucket List."

"I told you they're not mother and daughter."

"But, they're _lesbians,_ Alan! Sleeping with lesbians is on my Bucket List, too!"

Alan stood and walked into the master bedroom, emerging seconds later with Freddie's report. Handing it over, he said, "Maybe so, but you're not sleeping with _those_ lesbians. Read that. One of their favorite cons is Evelyn sleeps with the mark, usually an older rich man, and then claims to be pregnant. She demands an exorbitant amount of money for an 'abortion' and hush money so the wife doesn't find out her husband's cheating. And they have other scams they like to pull, together and individually. Freddie was able to track down some of the men they've blackmailed. That's on the last page. There's a name there you might recognize."

Denny flipped to the report's end to see the list which was comprised of twelve names. His eyes started out of his head when he got to the fourth name. " _Barry Gold?_ "

"Yes."

" _My_ Barry Gold?" he repeated incredulously. "You're telling me that the Senior Partner at Crane Poole and Schmidt Los Angeles was duped by these women?"

"I am and it's _Chang_ Poole and Schmidt."

"Whatever. Well, that tears it! I'm not having sex with Gold's sloppy seconds! I should go tell them off right now! I bought everything they wanted today! Jewelry! Clothing! I was going to sleep with them tonight! We _talked_ about it over lunch!" Denny had stood and was pacing around the living room. He stopped next to the piano and let his shoulders droop as he watched land move past them. "We're sailing," he said quietly. He turned to face Alan as he leaned against the Baby Grand. "You must think I'm six different kinds of fool to be taken in by con artists."

The younger man came to stand next to Denny. "You may be lots of things, my friend, but a fool is not one of them. You are, and will always be, the great Denny Crane."

"Thank you, Alan." He drained his glass and put it on the table. Putting his back to Alan he said, "Could you undo the clasp on my chain, please?" When Alan did so, he turned around clutching his wedding ring. Sliding it off the chain, he replaced it on his third finger, left hand. "I'm never taking it off again. I'm sorry, Alan, for only thinking about myself. You didn't really say anything, but I know you. I'm sure I hurt your feelings when I introduced you as my brother. I was so excited that I might have a chance to 'get lucky' and I was so flattered that they both wanted me, or seemed to want me, that it went to my head. I don't want to have dinner with them or have anything to do with them anymore."

Alan was touched by what Denny said about his wedding ring and pulled him into a hug. "This is what I'll do," he spoke softly into Denny's ear, "I'll call them and say that you're not feeling and you're going to take it easy and rest until we get to Halifax. I'll also tell them that we're all going to lunch at one of the best restaurants in town." He let go and reached down to pull Denny's phone off the older man's belt. Handing it to him he added, "While I'm doing that, this is what _you_ do."

Denny listened, his smile first returning and then growing. "Perfect! You're a genius! Let's do it."


	7. Chapter 7

Two days later, the ship docked in Halifax. The two men had indeed stayed in the villa and availed themselves of room service delivered by either Bayani or Titi, his nighttime colleague. For Alan, it was bliss. They watched movies they had brought from home, he read a novel he had borrowed from the ship's Library and he had actually convinced Denny to sit nude in the hot tub, which was really quite comfortable as once the sliding glass enclosed the patio, the air temperature wasn't bad at all.

But what he loved most was just being in Denny's company. He always enjoyed their conversations and since he refused to let Denny dwell on the Evelyn/Loretta unpleasantness, they had talked about all kinds of things and Alan was struck, once again, at how well the experimental medication was working. _Please, let it always be so,_ he thought. He was more agnostic than believer, _but if there is a God,_ he thought, _please take care of my best friend._

Evelyn and Loretta smiled broadly when they saw Denny and Alan approaching them on the Lido deck. "Hi!" they exclaimed simultaneously as they both kissed Denny on the cheek.

"How are you feeling?" Loretta asked as she rubbed his arm affectionately, "We were worried about you."

"Yeah, you didn't have that norovirus thing, did you?" Evelyn added.

"No, no. I think I overdid the walking. Yesterday, I was so sore I could barely move." Winking, he said, "Based on that conversation we had over lunch, I thought it best that I get past those aches and pains."

The two women giggled in response and Evelyn said to Alan, "Sorry. Private joke."

Grinning, Alan answered, "No worries; Denny and I have a few private jokes of our own." Gesturing towards the gangplank, he said, "We've made reservations at the local Irish pub. It's gotten excellent reviews and it sounds like just the place for us. Shall we go?"

They walked around for a while, sightseeing and window shopping. Evelyn had admired several things aloud and was quietly disappointed that Denny had not offered to buy anything for her, but she said nothing. Loretta, on the other hand, was modeling one thing after another, saying how lovely this watch was and how great this shirt would look on her. She was getting annoyed at Alan who seemed to be distracting Denny every time she wanted him to pay attention to her and ultimately, buy her something.

"You know, I'm getting a little hungry," Loretta said, "What time is our lunch reservation?"

"Twelve – thirty," Denny replied, "It's just past noon. We can walk there now if you like. A friend of mine is in town and he may be meeting us there."

Twenty minutes later, the quartet walked into O'Shaunnessy's Irish Pub and were seated at a booth toward the rear of the place. They had begun to look over the menus they had been given when Denny glanced up and said, "Oh, here's my friend now! Barry! Over here!" He regretted for months afterwards that he hadn't used his phone to take pictures of their facial expressions when they saw Barry Gold walking to their table.

Barry slid into their booth next to the women and flashed his most charming smile. "Hey, guys! Thanks for inviting me to join you. How do you know Lydia and Ellie here?"

Alan bared his teeth in what was supposed to pass for a grin. "You're mistaken, Barry. These are our cruise mates, Loretta and Evelyn."

"I never forget a face, especially one that belongs to someone who blackmailed me out of one hundred and fifty thousand dollars. Were you ever really pregnant, Ellie? Or Evelyn or whatever other name you happen to go by these days. You fooled me, did you really think you could fool Denny Crane, too?"

Denny calmly continued to peruse the menu he was holding. "I'm going to have the Shepherd's Pie. Evelyn, Loretta or would you prefer Lydia and Ellie? Doesn't matter. Order whatever you want because it's the last time I'm shelling out any money on either of you."

Both women looked like they wanted the floor to open and swallow them whole. With Barry squeezed in next to them they couldn't leave unless they crawled over the table. Alan thought that Evelyn actually thought about doing it. After an awkward silence, she managed to croak out, "How, um, how did you find out?"

"Alan figured out you must have gone on the Googler to find out about us and he had his PI look into you two. That's how we found out you had screwed around with Barry. Too bad. I still wanted to have sex with you after Alan told me you were con artists, but I don't do women who did Barry. No offense, Barry."

"None taken. I don't go to bed with anyone who's been with you, either."

Alan, who had been watching and listening carefully, finally spoke. "This is what is going to happen. Denny's not buying you lunch or anything else. Barry is going to stand up so you can get out of our sight. When we finish our lunch, Denny and I will be returning to the ship. I don't care how you get back to the Emerald or _if_ you get back to the Emerald. But if you do, I don't want either one of you to speak to either one of us for the remainder of this cruise. Period."

Loretta, who had been sitting looking just a bit shell shocked, reacted to Alan's words by leaning forward on the table and glaring angrily at him. "Let me tell you something, Mr. I Have This All Figured Out, you did _us_ a favor! You have no idea how much I wanted to gag in disgust every time this broken down excuse for a man touched me or her!"

Evelyn grimaced and added, "Yeah, that breath! Ugh!" She waved her hand in front of her face. "I was going to screw him and claim he knocked me up, but I kissed him that night he and I went to the casino and you all went to the show and he couldn't get it up and told me that though that 'never happens,' (using her fingers to make air quotation marks) he had a prescription for that _special_ little blue pill!" She laughed. "That's when I decided we'd just get as much stuff out of you as we could. As for sex, well, we figured it would take longer for us to take off our clothes than it would take for you to…"

"Enough!" Alan shouted which caused the few other patrons in the restaurant to turn and stare. Lowering his voice, he said, "You disgusting bitch. I was willing to take the high road here, but since you've decided it's a good idea to insult my husband and I know that you both know he _is_ my husband, I am reporting you to ship's Security to advise them there are two conniving con artists onboard. I'm handing over a copy of the report my Private Investigator prepared and advising them to warn their passengers, especially their older male passengers, to beware. Barry, if you don't mind."

"With pleasure," Barry replied as he stood to let the women pass. "Enjoy the rest of your cruise, Ladies." The women left without another word. "Okay," he said as he sat back down, "Let's eat lunch. Your treat, Denny."

" _What_? I sent my jet to California to bring you here so you could confront the women who rooked you for cash, paid for your hotel room _and_ I'm flying you home. Why do I have to spring for lunch, too?"

"It's not like I got my money back. I flew here to let them know you were on to them. I'm not getting anything; the least I should get is lunch."

"Just a moment, Barry," Alan said as he signaled the waitress to come take their order. When she had written it all down and left, Alan leaned back in his seat. "Denny, you know what I forgot to mention to the girls?"

"What?"

"Remember that section in Freddie's report that said there are outstanding warrants on both women in several states?"

Both Barry and Denny started laughing. "Barry," Denny guffawed, "I promise I will do my best to video them getting marched down the gangplank in handcuffs!"


	8. Chapter 8

One week later, Alan and Denny were home holding court at the dinner party they had planned during the rest of their cruise. Carl, Shirley, Jerry, Katie, Clarence and Claire sat enthralled around the dining room table as they talked about their vacation. They _oohed_ and _ahhed_ at the pictures of the villa when Alan passed his phone around and Denny talked about the ports they had explored. They told their guests about Loretta and Evelyn, but left out some details (like Barry Gold being ensnared and blackmailed). They had everyone laughing as they described how they had indeed been marched off the ship in handcuffs by Emerald's security force before being handed over to Boston's Finest, all while Denny shot the video. It was when Denny's phone was going from one couple to the next to view the video that Alan told the group that Denny was almost immediately suspicious and had asked him to contact his private detective to do a background check.

"It sounds like your vacation was quite the adventure," Katie said, "and Denny, having those women investigated was positively _brilliant._ After all of that, the rest of your cruise must have seemed boring."

Carl chimed in, "Yeah, Denny, what tipped you off that these women might not be on the up and up?"

The elder Crane tapped the side of his head. "My instincts. After all, Denny Crane!"

Shirley took a sip of her Pinot Grigio, winked at Alan and said, "Nevermind those women. Good riddance. Tell me about the cruise after that experience. What did you do?"

Alan smiled at her. _She's figured out that the story isn't exactly what happened and is getting Carl off the scent. Oh, I so wish she had let me sleep with her before we all got married. She is_ magnificent.

Alan spoke up, "We stayed on the ship. It's very peaceful when the ship's in port and a large segment of the population heads ashore. We slept in and ordered lots of room service. We read, we watched movies, in short, we _relaxed._ We shopped in the Mid-ship Mall duty free stores and Denny taught me how to play Texas Hold 'em."

Denny interjected, "And he had Beginner's Luck: He hit a straight flush for a thousand dollars!"

"I think," Alan continued, "that we all need to think about taking a cruise together. I've found that Denny and I don't do well with new friends; we need to have our tried and true friends around us. This was my first experience with cruising and I have to say that I enjoyed it very much. Let's make plans to sail the Caribbean this summer. What do you say?"

"I have to mark this date on my calendar. Alan and I actually agree on something! I love cruising and I haven't been in years," Carl said, "That actually sounds like a good time!"

Everyone at the table except Claire seemed agreeable to making plans. She had frowned for a moment and then asked, "How would that work? There's eight of us; how would we ever decide what to do?"

Clarence patted her hand and said, "Years ago, some friends and I went on a weeklong cruise. Everyone did their own thing during the day and we met for dinner every night. Before dinner was over, we would agree what restaurant to have dinner in the next night. Then everyone went their own way again. If what I wanted to do matched up with someone else's plans, great; but if they didn't, that was great, too. We had fun and no one's toes got stepped on because we just did what we wanted."

Claire smiled at him and replied, "Well, if we were to do it _that_ way…" She looked around at the group. "I'm in!"

Later that night, the two spouses were in their room preparing for bed. "Alan, thank you for telling everybody that it was my idea to hire your PI," he said as he eased his bulk into bed.

"We're a team, Denny, so I figure it doesn't matter who called Freddie as long as it was done. Besides, saying you called makes for a _much_ better story. I'm happy that we have a summer cruise to plan and look forward to." He drained the last of his scotch, got in bed and shut off the light. He slid over so he could place his head on Denny's chest.

Gripping his body lightly, Denny ruffled Alan's hair and sighed contentedly. "You know, you told me several times that you enjoyed the trip, but there was a small corner of my mind that wondered if you were just saying that because it would hurt my feelings to know you didn't enjoy yourself."

"Denny…"

"Let me finish, please. When you suggested to the gang that we do a cruise this summer, I was _so_ proud because that proved to me that I did something right for you. You're my best friend, Alan, and I truly love you and I was a fool to take off my ring and lie about who we are to each other. I'll never do that again."

"Good," Alan grunted. "Besides, with the internet being what it is, it's very difficult to hide who you are. Face it, Denny, you _are_ a celebrity. The only undefeated lawyer in the country. And, you're my hero. I am very happy being married to you."

The older man tightened his grip on Alan for a moment before relaxing his arms. "I'm happy, too. You're my comfort. Really." He cleared his throat and quickly swiped at his eyes.

Alan was surprised. "Are you…crying, Denny?" he asked as he started to lift his head only to have one of Denny's hands push it back down to his chest.

"Course not! I'm not a girl!" he replied gruffly, "My allergies are acting up. Go to sleep."

"My mistake. G'night," Alan said softly as he gently rubbed Denny's chest. The warmth he felt as he drifted to sleep had nothing to do with the room's temperature. When sleep claimed him, he dreamed of sailing. 


End file.
